my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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