i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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