I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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