Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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