I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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