Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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