I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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