I am puke
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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