Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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