just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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