I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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