I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
