I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
