I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
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I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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