i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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