I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.