Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
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why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
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An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday