just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.