my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.