John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration