Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I need water and some morals