also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.