I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
