i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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