I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
