I murdered the dance floor call the cops
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize