bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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