Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
