What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
