My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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