im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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