If i come over, it means nothing
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
