I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
