I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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