Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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