He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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