you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
