Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
