i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
