She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
