I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I can text with my tongue
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
