What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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