One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
