I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize