She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
