you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
