youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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