What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
