You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think people are normalizing furries
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
