Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
