Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Pants are for mortals
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
