My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
