pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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