Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Boobs are out for the taking
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
