if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
