she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
