I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
