Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Im part way to drunk.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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