Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
