Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
