I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
