no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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