i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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