yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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