Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
