he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
