Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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