Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When are your genitals available?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
