If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I need a beard to bite.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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