the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
