Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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