So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
