they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
