omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have surprise drugs for everyone
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
