I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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