They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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