But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I need to stop coming to work sober
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
